Change is the only constant thing in this universe. It rings true with fashion, so does with life. I used to think I would stay in one nook forever. That some things are unchangeable no matter how tough things should get, that certain relationships are unshakable. Well I thought wrong. As it turns out, decades of friendship could end with a single false accusation... followed up by a series of lies and involvement of supposed innocent parties. A strong connection you thought was there can be broken by a drunken call or a wrong line that accidentally rolled out of your tongue. It has always been as simple as that but I was too blinded all these time. I never really welcomed a change this big until it has become the only solution to the equation. Because no matter how hard you try to fix it, change the pattern or move figures around in the hopes of getting a new answer, if it isn't working for you then it probably never will. Pushing it will only hurt you more.
When one gets too confident about relationships, the truth hurts tenfold. The ones you thought were pillars are actually just wooden dividers -- cannot support a heavy fall and only serve as a mere decoration. You can only imagine the huge pang of pain and disappointment as you crash down on the floor, realizing there's really nothing to support you. Maybe you shouldn't have expected anything to begin with. The dividers aren't designed to withstand such things after all. If anything, they're two-faced house trimmings that run in the middle of a room and pretend to support both sides.
The answer to this is simple, stay in the lives of the people who want you to stay there and leave those who are pushing you away. Change circles, change habits. A paradigm shift could be good. Let go of relationships that will never be and relationships that could have been. And just cherish the ones that are there--the people who feel lucky enough to have you in their life.
I've decided to stay on the bright side. Changing priorities and switching circles as well as making all my Saturday nights devoted to church from now on. It's a big change but it's nothing I can't handle. The fall hasn't broken me after all. :)