Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Goodbye Is The Hardest Word

That's me zipping up my sister's wedding gown four years ago. As I type this, she's probably flying above the vicinity of LAX by now. About to land to a new life, a new home with her husband. I really am happy that they're finally together. But it is hard to let go of the life we shared together as roommates in the 26 years of my existence (we supposedly separated bedrooms a few years ago but I still sleep in hers, LOL!) and being sisters-in-crime. Though we grew up as frenemies as children -- and still the occasional bickering from time to time as adults -- she has been my good good friend through thick and thin. My loyal fan who never ceases to text and update friends (much to my embarrassment) with events I'm doing or new publicity features. When bitches got in my way, she fought them with me. She was one of my kaladkarins (in layman's term, someone you can tag along whenever, wherever). One who listened to my whining and bore with my bitchy ways. Who is going to reciprocate when I roll my eyes at the "circus side" family gathering now? Or talk to me late at night when the lights are off but my mind still won't shut up? Or shop with me during family trips when le parents just wanna kick back and not walk for hours?

I swore not to cry because I wanted a happy new beginning for her. But as I hugged her for the last time at the airport the tears wouldn't stop from falling. Atchi was the ultimate big sister, the ideal eldest daughter. To say she's responsible and kindhearted is an understatement, thus the endless string of godchildren. That's how I know she'll make an incredible mother. Knowing she's on the baby track gives me another reason to be happy for her. And knowing they are finally together and starting a new life as husband and wife (sans Skype) stops the tears from falling any further. My eyes are puffy as it is anyway.

I'm supposed to clear her room today and move into it. But I'm not ready to do that just yet. Memories flood like crazy and sleeping alone in that big bed is just too much to handle.

In two weeks my boyfriend Arlee goes back home to Florida as well. And my other best mate Leah had left for California a few months ago too. Everyone is leaving. Maybe I should make a career out of crying. What is it with US that makes people leave? Everyone seems to be gearing up for a new life ahead. And even though I am left behind, it also leads a new life for me. A new life without my backbone, quieter nights without loud laughter and DVD marathons alone. I'm embracing this new change although it comes with great difficulty. Goodbye definitely is the hardest word.


Anna said...

awww, czar, hugsy! it sucks when people leave truly. don't you go anywhere!!! (and remember, pamee and i are just a text away!)

marjorie michelle said...

awwww, atchi! this is way too late but it's only now that i read this post. it has been 4mos since i left but it made me cry. yes, goodbye is such a difficult word. sigh! but life goes on. i know in time that we'll see each other again. love you sooooo much! you know how i miss you very much!